Sue is Gone

I am not an actor but I’ve been on stage since she left. I don’t know
if you understand what I’m saying. See. It’s this feeling stuck to
everything I try like a thick, second skin, that I can somehow not
only wear but also see. It’s like reading the script of some kind of
weird play that goes, on and on, with no apparent end, and everyone
involved knows, by some misterious process, what to say and do.

If I go to the Club on a Friday evening, the whole crew will be there
before I make my entrance: lights, costumes, sound, cast,…They look
so natural and yet I know it’s been rehearsed a thousand times before.
My lines will stretch out slowly but firmly in a precise sequence:
“Hi, guys. What’s going on?” “Fine, fine, and yourself?” “Oh! Thanks”
“Well, I’ll get myself a beer. Stout, please” “Oh! Nice to meet you. My
name is Allan.” “Sorry. Would you repeat it?” “Yeah. It’s been
wonderful lately. Too bad it changes for the worst on week- ends”

How many times have I said the same predictable phrases? How many
different intonations and inflexions have I used? How many Fridays
have I ground under the stone of routine and emptiness? Fuck! I miss
her!

You see. It’s not only her presence. It’s something more subtle running
in my veins. It’s like a promise. Something you can not touch, nor
see, but you know it’s there. It’s the drive to fully know her and to
see the world through her eyes. The possibility to dive in her and see
myself immersed in the whirlwind of her passion. The need to possess,
not only her body but also her spirit. Do you know what I mean? She
was real. She was an ever changing picture, diffuse, impossible to
capture, but she was tangible. I don’t know. Maybe I’m becoming
paranoid…She haunted me.

How did I know her? I think I’ve told you before. Well, anyway…Do you
remember last year when I was talking about doing some wind surfing on
the Caribbean? I finally did. Two weeks in Cancun. Well, this
particular resort I went to is not that expensive, considering what
you get. You’re right. And on top of that, the beach over there is
just wonderful for sailing. Yeah!. Well, at the beginning I wasn’t
that sure. After all, going on your own in those places is always so
unpredictable. But Mark’s visit influenced me. The thing is that I met
her there.

The first night in Cancun there was a welcome party. Some sort of
buffet and music and mingling with the hosts and the rest of the
guests. I was introduced to her by the wind surfing instructor. Did
you ever meet Charlie? Yeah. Well, Mark told me about him being there,
that was another reason for my visit. The thing is that she was
interested in learning how to wind surf and Charlie mentioned my name
and one thing followed the other. We chat a little and I made some
jokes and she laughed. We found out that we lived in the same city,
which was a surprisingly nice coincidence. I liked her immediately. Why
he didn’t go after her? Well, I think Charlie had some other person in
mind that night.

After the party I went to the disco. I’ve had a couple of drinks, so,
it wasn’t that bad. Just enough gas to help me release the accumulated
stress of the last months. She was sitting with some people I vaguely
remembered seeing somewhere. Maybe at the party or at the
airport…Why her? It’s hard to tell. Blame it on my hormones or some
trauma from childhood. I don’t know. She wasn’t utterly gorgeous.
Pretty, yes, but nothing out of this world. Maybe it was something far
beyond the physical…Well, you know me. I wouldn’t had gone for her
if she wasn’t attractive. Yeah. I know. But I’m not going to feed
myself horse-shit. Not at this point in my life.

Did I ever show you her picture? Oh! She was like 5′7″ or maybe 5′8″.
Slim. She had wonderful legs. Brown hair, blue eyes. What attracted me
was the aura she had. It was like if she didn’t belong there. Oh! No.
I didn’t mean that. It was more like if I could read some clues on her
moves, or on her skin. She was talking and laughing but I sensed that
she had this feeling of awkwardness. She wasn’t completely at ease.
There was this tension…Well, I’ve learned the hard way, you know.

I approached the group and after the introductions was offered a place
at their table. After some chatting I asked her for a dance and she
refused. She said something about her being clumsy. Well, that was
what I needed to make my night. I displayed all of my charm and
politeness to convince her that she should dance with me. I told her
that that was the first lesson of her wind surfing training. A few
drinks later, after some bargaining and a few intelligent compliments
displayed along our conversation, she agreed. The minute I hold her
close to me something clicked for the two of us. I knew that she felt
the same. Isn’t that amazing? I can’t explain how but I just knew. v
There we were. The dance floor was packed with people and yet we were
alone. At first we talked a little but when the slow pieces started we
just concentrated on the dancing. I could feel her warm and flexible
body held against mine. Her soft breasts heaving tight against my
chest, following the waves of a mystic song. I still remember her
fragrance. Fresh and crisp like spring water and blooming orange
trees. I could feel the delicate texture of her skin in my hands and
forearms. I found myself surrendering to desire. I could sense it
growing from the depths of my soul, sweet, soft and familiar, invading
my chest and limbs and filling my sex, slowly but steadily. Somehow I
guessed that she was feeling the same because she didn’t back off. By
then I had this bulging tightness in my crotch and she was rubbing it
gently and yet firmly with her pubis, with every step we made.

Time and space disappeared under this spell, helped by the dimness of
the disco. I don’t know how much time we spent there but I recall her
moving her head to make our cheeks meet. The feel of her face was so
smooth and delightful that I felt compelled to kiss her. With my first
kiss she shuddered. I said something to apologize but she didn’t let
me finish. “It’s allright” She said and pressed herself closer to me.
And that was all that I needed to know. I gave her slow and tender
kisses on her cheeks, brow, eyelids, chin, and nose, before reaching
for her lips. These were full and sweet as cherries. I kissed them and
sent the tip of my tongue to explore, gently probing every corner of
her lips. I slid my tongue inside to taste her beautiful mouth. She
joined my kiss with her naughty tongue, touching mine lightly. With
every brush I could see stars exploding in my brain and in my groin.
Then she sucked my tongue in full, making swirling, and delightful
movements. Now my tongue backed off and hers trailed across my lips
and I admitted it in my mouth, touching it again with mine. At this
point my legs were stiff but hardly as my penis. All that was
important on Earth that night was to possess her, to make her mine, to
melt myself inside of her.

I went for her left earlobe, kissing and nibbling it while our breath
was getting heavier and heavier. I realized that we weren’t dancing
anymore. She was rubbing her sex against mine with delicate, small,
circular movements of her hips and she was whispering incoherent words
that took me a while to undestand. She wanted me. Just as much as I
wanted her. She told me to go to her room.

We left the disco and climbed the steps up to her place. I recall that
vividly. She held my hand and was guiding me. At a point in time, when
we reached the terrace, I stopped her and we kissed passionately. My
hands exploring her shoulders, back and buttocks, while she trembled
with desire and licked my tongue frantically, presssing her body
against mine. The sky was dark blue and some stars were shining
timidly, afraid perhaps of giving a more intense light and reveal our
lust to the world. It was something coming from the roots of our
souls. We wanted each other. We had to have each other’s body or die.
It was a scream coming beyond reason and reality. And it was saying:
now!

You know me. You know what I’ve always thought of single’s bars and one
night stands, and yet I was there with this stranger. No. No. I don’t
think it was the alcohol. It was more than that. That night we had to
make love together. I felt the call on my bones and I think she felt
it too. She was the first and only woman on Earth for me. I was there
for her. I would have given up anything in my life in order to get
her. She had haunted me, and I wasn’t about to fight the feeeling.

Oh! Sorry. Sure, sure…Do you want me to order another Scotch for you?